


Almost

by beaglesinbowties (Girlblunder)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Drama, F/F, Fluff, More angst, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2019-01-18 20:22:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12395526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Girlblunder/pseuds/beaglesinbowties
Summary: The parallel stories of Alex and Kara's past and present:Past: At twelve years old, Kara is orphaned and sent off to live with a family she only knows from her parents' funeral. Overcoming such a massive loss seems impossible, especially when she's worried about her place in the Danvers household.Present: After a bad break-up and a regrettable one night stand, Kara finds herself single and pregnant. It's a good thing she's not alone—but complications arise when her sister Alex steps up to help her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The format might be confusing, but this is how I wanted to write this. Long sections in italics take place in the past. Long normal-text sections take place in the present.
> 
> Includes many references to Alex/OC pairing.
> 
> This was originally written as one long story, but I decided to cut this up to make the consumption of it more palatable and easier to process. I'll post the next two pieces after a few days each.

* * *

_“I think you’ll like them.”_

_If the interior of the car wasn’t already so quiet, Kara might have missed the words. As it is they barely penetrate the fog that’s lingered since the day a uniformed police officer had interrupted third period to tell her about the accident._

_The scenery blurs past her window in indiscernible splotches of green and blue, a perfect demonstration of how her life has felt in the last week._

_“Okay,” is all she manages to say to her cousin. It’s hard to think of Clark as family; in all her twelve years of life, she can’t recall ever seeing him in person._

_He briefly glances away from the road to offer her a weak smile. His features are wan and tired, hair unkempt in a way Kara is certain it never usually is._

_Clark’s lost his parents too, the aunt and uncle she’s only seen a handful of times more than him, she reminds herself with a slow blink._

_The words do little to alleviate the growing sense of dread clawing at her stomach._

_Their parents are dead and Clark is leaving her with total strangers rather than taking her to live on the other side of the country with him._

_Not total strangers, she gently corrects herself, dimly recalling the vague features of the Danvers coming to offer their condolences over freshly turned earth and slabs of marble Kara had been unable to look away from. It hadn’t really been the marble she’d focused on, but the names belonging to two of the most important people in her life. The names are now engraved in her mind in the same blocky letters as those on that abandoned stone._

_She remembers the cut of her last name better than the faces of the people she’ll be living with._

_“We’re here,” Clark says quietly some minutes later, breaking Kara from her numbing thoughts._

_The door handle slips in her feeble grip, but then Clark is there and looming tall over the passenger side door. He grants her another weak smile as he opens it and helps her out._

_To her great bafflement, he takes her hand, his own much larger than hers as he leads the way to two waiting figures._

_Kara can’t bear to look at them._

_This can’t be her life. She’s not supposed to be here._

_Surely, any moment now her parents will pull up in their familiar blue sedan, all apologetic because of the colossal misunderstanding. They’re not really dead and Kara won’t be living with people she doesn’t know in a town she knows even less._

_The couple exchange words with Clark, mere muffled sounds to Kara’s ears as she peers around herself in growing panic._

_The beachside property is wide and open—and suffocating in its differences from the townhouse in the crowded city she’d known her entire life. Movement in her periphery draws her attention from the alien landscape._

_A girl, with bright auburn hair that just reaches past cotton-clad shoulders and scarcely a year or two older than Kara, is staring at her from the porch. The girl’s arms are crossed and she’s frowning. The upset frown, so different from the innumerable pitying expressions Kara’s been exposed to since the accident, jolts her from her from her escalating anxiety._

_“Alexandra, come here,” the blonde woman just opposite of Kara calls out to the girl._

_Kara tries to smile when the woman turns back and offers a hand with a murmur of “Eliza Danvers” and tries harder when the even taller man with wide bulky shoulders and dark hair reaches out and gently squeezes her shoulder._

_“I’m Jeremiah,” he says, his eyes kind and warm—and full of pity._

_It feels like Kara is going to come apart at the seams._

_“Alex,” the girl’s voice cuts in, firm and confident._

_Kara stares at her blankly. Alex is several inches taller than Kara, but her height isn’t nearly as daunting as everyone else’s._

_Eliza’s elbow nudges Alex’s upper arm._

_Alex shoots her mother an unhappy look, then takes a step forward and extends her hand._

_Kara reaches out to accept the grudging handshake, only to make the mistake of looking back up at the adults._

_The Danvers’s faces, as well as Clark’s, are looking on with cloying pity._

_Kara’s knees give out from under her as her fingers brush Alex’s._

_Perhaps the dirt and stone and coarse grass might have bitten into her knees through the denim of her jeans, but Kara would never have a chance to remember it._

_“What did you do?” she hears what must be Alex’s voice hiss from some place far too close._

_It’s then that Kara realizes she’s wrapped tightly in thin arms, her face leaning heavily into a warm torso clad in a soft striped cotton shirt. She wobbles backward to try and give Alex some space, lips trembling as she attempts to form an apology._

_Alex’s frown from before deepens, but her eyes are soft—not pity but something… else._

_Kara bursts into tears, great gasping sobs that shake her diminutive figure._

_“I’ve got you,” she hears a moment before thin arms are wrapping back around her and pulling her close once more._

** **** **

Kara paces back in forth in front of her coffee table, unwilling to look down at the unwanted white sticks. This can’t be right.

She reaches up to adjust her glasses though they’re already sitting perfectly across her nose. The sticks must be defective, there’s no other explanation.

_All three of them?_ she questions herself with mounting dread.

Her stomach twists and it feels like she’s going to be sick. She takes short stumbling steps to the coffee table, ignoring the white sticks and reaching for her phone.

Though it’s a Saturday and she’s off from work, she knows the recipient of her call isn’t so lucky. Briefly, Kara’s thumb hesitates over the first number of her speed dial.

She wouldn’t normally disturb Alex. This is an emergency.

Her gaze wanders to the three small white sticks all telling her the same thing and she feels dizzy.

She presses down firmly with her thumb, knowing Alex would kill her anyway if she discovered Kara had been feeling this way and _hadn’t_ called.

A shaky hand brings the phone up to her face, the call ringing loudly in Kara’s ear as her pacing resumes.

_It’s all Adam’s fault_ , she laments, only to quickly discard the thought. It hadn’t been Adam’s fault. They were just too different and lived too far apart and—no one had made her go out that night to drown her sorrows in some bar.

Just as she worries the call will be sent to voicemail, the call is picked up.

“ _Danvers_ ,” comes Alex’s brusque voice.

The relief Kara feels is almost instantaneous. Alex always knows what to do.

“Alex,” she breathes out as she closes her eyes.

“ _What’s wrong?_ ” Alex’s voice is calm but full of concern.

Before Kara can answer, there’s a sound of another muffled voice coming over the line. It’s too far away to understand, but Kara immediately recognizes it.

She bites her lip, remembering why she’d gone to the bar that night instead of over to Alex’s.

“ _No, Kate, it’s my sister. Just give me a few minutes_ ,” Kara hears even though it’s clear Alex has moved the phone away from her face. “ _Thanks, babe._ ”

The gnawing on Kara’s lower lip continues as she waits.

“ _Sorry about that. We were just having lunch._ ”

Guilt makes Kara’s stomach twist. “Oh, I can call back later—”

“ _No, Kara. Something’s wrong. I’m alone now; tell me or I swear to god I’m going to come over and pound on your door until you do_.”

A smile cracks Kara’s face though she’s confused and worried and any other number of things except happy. She takes a deep breath. “Okay.” She takes another breath. “I’m pregnant.”

There’s a long pause.

“ _I’m coming over._ ”

Kara wants to protest—Alex’s lunch break is only so long and she shouldn’t be late back to work—but the call ends before Kara can utter another syllable.

Her guilt rises again, only to be washed away in the deep, abiding comfort that comes with knowing Alex is coming and everything will be okay. Alex will help her figure this out.

Kara’s hands drift down to rest over her stomach, her fingertips lightly pressing over the surface she knows is hiding a life-changing presence she still can’t believe is real.

*

The first thing Alex does once the door is open is wrap Kara up in a tight hug.

“Don’t worry,” Alex whispers, “we’ve got this.”

Kara nods and squeezes Alex closer, just for a moment.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Kara murmurs as the hug ends and she steps back.

Alex smiles, something small and wistful. “You’d be fine,” she says softly. She scrutinizes Kara for a moment and then reaches out to interlace their fingers. “But you’ve got me anyway.”

Kara sighs and shakes her head. “I doubt ‘fine’ would be the right word.”

The only response to her words is a gentle squeezing of her hand. Alex straightens and takes a deep breath. “So, who’s the father? Is it Adam?”

“No, I,” Kara falters, her face heating up. She looks down. “I don’t know who the father is. Adam and I had just broken up and I was having a hard time, so I went out. I met a guy who’d walked in on his partner cheating on him and... the next morning I was so embarrassed that I snuck out of the hotel before he woke up. I never knew his last name.”

“That’s not like you.” Alex frowns, but she seems more concerned than anything. She squeezes Kara’s hand again. “Well, it doesn’t matter. Let’s talk options. You’ve got a few; you know that, right?”

“I’m keeping it,” Kara blurts out almost immediately. She blinks, surprised at her own response. If this had happened two years ago when she was still Miss Grant’s assistant, it would have been nigh on impossible. It’s not two years ago, however, and CatCo has excellent maternity leave. “I’m keeping it,” she repeats softly.

“Whatever you think is best,” Alex affirms. She gives Kara a steady, serious look. “Just remember that your whole life is going to change.”

Kara’s chest is warm and tight and she can’t look away from Alex. “I know.”

Alex’s expression softens. “And I’m in, whatever you need me to do.”

Kara smiles. Just as she’s about to speak, Alex’s phone goes off.

“Sorry,” Alex says with a wince as she steps back and digs her phone out of her pocket. “It’s Kate, I’ll call her back later.”

A large, selfish part of Kara that misses not having to share Alex with anyone else wants to nod and ignore the call—but Kara likes Kate, and loves how happy she makes Alex. “No, it’s fine. Call her back now.”

“I’ll be quick.” Alex leans over to press a quick kiss to Kara’s cheek before heading toward the kitchen for a semblance of privacy.

Kara watches Alex go silently, a hand unconsciously resting over her stomach.

** **** **

**__** _Settling in at the Danvers residence doesn’t prove to be difficult. Eliza and Jeremiah are both friendly and kind, though sometimes Kara feels smothered by the way they watch her when she’s around—like she’s fragile, will break apart at any moment and leave a mess in their tidy living room._

_It won’t happen, Kara is sure. She’s careful not to think of them these days—not their faces, not their voices, and certainly not how soft her mother’s hands had felt as they’d combed through her hair._

_“You almost done in there?” comes Alex’s impatient voice, muffled as it is through the bathroom door._

_Alex, however, doesn’t act anything like her parents._

_Kara blinks and shakes her head slightly, reaching for the hanging towel to dry her hands off. She’d gotten lost in thought again without meaning to. “Just a sec,” she calls back._

_It’s been forty-six days since Kara moved in, and fifty-three since her parents’ single-engine plane had crashed. Her hands still their movements._

_A rapid knock taps out against the door before Kara can get lost in thought again._

_Kara finishes, hurrying to unlock and open the door. She opens her mouth to apologize but Alex simply bumps her from the doorway and slams the door shut._

_Her shoulders slump. As suffocating as Eliza and Jeremiah can be, Alex is just the opposite. Though not mean, she’s not especially kind to Kara, either. The day of Kara’s arrival had been a fluke; Alex has barely spoken to her outside of school without Eliza’s prompting._

_It’s confusing to Kara, who’d never wanted to leave National City and all her friends in the first place, how much she wants Alex to like her. Maybe it’s because she’s not quite fitting in at school, or maybe it’s simply how much she’s already lost. She can’t be sure, but it is something she yearns for._

_Kara is embarrassed when her eyes begin to sting. She ducks her head and crosses her arms, in a rush to get to the room she shares with Alex._

_Her eyes are burning with the urge to cry by the time she makes it to her twin bed. She tugs off her glasses and haphazardly discards them on the bedside stand, burying her face against her pillow a moment later. She won’t cry, it worries Eliza and Jeremiah too much. If she can just sit here long enough, she knows she’ll get this under control._

_Kara’s stomach twists up as she pictures the troubled look Eliza watches her with sometimes. What if they get tired of her? They’re not related to her by blood—even Clark, the last blood relative she has, hadn’t wanted to take her in. Alex probably hates her already, being forced to share her room and keep an eye out for Kara at school._

_The floorboards in the hallway creak, and it’s all the warning Kara needs to jerk up and blindly reach for the book she’d started a few days ago but remembers little about._

_The door opens and closes, and then Alex is back. She doesn’t move straight to her bed or her desk like always, instead lingering at the front of the room._

_Kara studiously stares down at the open book, turning a page after a moment to appear as if she’s reading._

_“Everything okay?”_

_“Fine,” Kara says in reflex. She’s surprised that Alex has spoken to her at all._

_“You sure about that?”_

_“Yep.” Kara is tempted to look up. She bites her lip and focuses harder on the page she’s not reading._

_“Your book is upside down, and I’m fairly sure it’s hard to read without your glasses.”_

_Kara blushes and drops the book, finally looking up at Alex. “You know I’m farsighted?”_

_Alex rolls her eyes and crosses her arms. “We’re basically around each other like twenty-four seven. Yeah, I know you’re farsighted.”_

_Kara’s blush intensifies. “Oh.”_

_“So?” Alex raises her eyebrows, still staring at Kara._

_“So, what?” Kara swallows; why is Alex looking at her like that?_

_Alex’s eyebrows arch higher. “What’s wrong?”_

_“Nothing.” Kara’s heart begins to pound loudly in her ears. She smiles, hoping that helps the lie._

_To her surprise, Alex scowls. “I hate when you do that.”_

_“Do what?” Kara reaches for her glasses, needing a reprieve from Alex’s stare._

_“Smile and act like everything’s fine.”_

_Kara stiffens, nearly dropping her glasses on the bed. “Everything is fine.” She shoves her glasses on._

_“Kara, you haven’t cried since your first day here. My parents are worried.”_

_The edges of Kara’s vision begin to dim. She sits up and scrambles back to where her bed meets the wall, pressing her back into the cool firmness and looking at Alex. “Th-they said that?”_

_Alex frowns and takes a few steps closer. “Yeah,” she says slowly, “they’re always on my case about you. They’re kind of a pain about it.”_

_“Oh. A-are they mad at me? Are you mad at me?” Kara curls up so her knees are up and her arms are wrapped tightly around them._

_“Not at you.” Alex’s frown deepens as she carefully looks Kara over. “Kara, what are you scared of?”_

_Kara’s heart is pounding so fast now that she worries that she might have a heart attack. Is there air in the room? Has it all gone? “Will they send me away?” she finally blurts out._

_“What? No.” Alex’s mouth opens and closes, and then her expression slowly shifts to one of understanding. She sighs and crawls up onto Kara’s bed, scooting so she’s sitting at Kara’s side. She mirrors Kara’s pose, looking out at the room. “It sucks that you had to come here. It sucks we have to share a room. It sucks that your cousin didn’t take you in.”_

_Kara feels each declaration like a blow. She rests her forehead on her knees and fights the urge to cry._

_A warm hand settles on her shoulder. Alex’s voice becomes soft. “It really sucks that you lost your parents.”_

_Kara rolls her head so she can look at Alex._

_There’s that look again, the one from the first day. It’s not pity it’s… Kara still doesn’t know. Alex gently squeezes her shoulder and offers her a half-smile._

_“I know it’s not the same, but now you’ve kind of got mine. They’re annoying, but they’re pretty great too. They’ll never send you away, Kara. You’re part of our family now.”_

_The first few tears slip free despite Kara’s every effort to keep them in. “You don’t hate me?”_

_Alex purses her lips. “No.”_

_Kara stops trying to hold her tears in, instead springing toward Alex and wrapping herself around the older girl._

_At first, she worries that she’s made a mistake—but then Alex is hugging her back and pulling her close._

_“If you need to tell my parents you’re fine, that’s okay. But this room is different; it’s okay to cry or scream or whatever you need to do.”_

_Kara nods against Alex’s neck, letting the tears she’s been holding in for what seems like an eternity freely escape._

_Alex doesn’t complain and doesn’t let Kara go even when the sound of her sniffling stops._

_For once, Kara feels like things might genuinely get better someday._

_“Don’t ever tell my parents I said they’re great. I know where you sleep.”_

_Kara snorts, the first real smile she’s felt in ages pulling at her lips._


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

“What’s taking so long?” Kara fidgets with her shirt, peering around the stark room as if it’ll reveal the reason. She’s perched on top of the examination table even though the tech hasn’t arrived yet.

“Relax, Kara.”

Alex’s hand reaches out to take her own.

Kara takes a deep breath and meets her eyes.

“Dr. Navalar said everything seems fine. You’re taking your vitamins and watching what you eat, and this is just to confirm conception date.” Alex smiles, her expression calm and encouraging.

The anxious butterflies in Kara’s stomach settle down just as the door opens.

The tech, a short woman with round cheeks and a buoyant smile, immediately steps over to the ultrasound machine. “So, I hear someone wants to get a look at Baby Danvers?”

Kara nods and listens as the tech explains the simple procedure and dutifully obeys when the tech—Alice—instructs Kara to lie down and tug her shirt up and the waist of her pants down. Her stomach has only just begun to change shape, the gentle swelling a reminder every day that she’s not alone.Though warned, she flinches as the cool gel is applied to her abdomen.

Her breath catches several moments later when a small blurry shape appears on the monitor. “Is that…?”

“That’s Baby Danvers,” Alice confirms with a grin. “It looks like you’re about eleven weeks along now.”

Kara blindly reaches to her right, her hand immediately taken into Alex’s.

Alice does something, and then there’s a loud rapid sound filling the room.

“The heartbeat,” Alex murmurs in a hushed voice. When Kara turns to give her a wide-eyed look, Alex squeezes her fingers once and continues staring at the monitor.

“Is it supposed to be so fast?” Kara asks, sending Alice a worried look.

Alice’s eyes crinkle at the corners when she grins. “Oh, yes. That’s a perfectly normal heartbeat.” Alice fiddles with her equipment and then the sound is gone. “Now, it’s too early to figure out gender, but I assume you’ll be wanting pictures.”

“Yes,” Alex confirms before Kara can open her mouth.

Kara chuckles to herself and sends Alex a fond look.

Alex grins and meets her gaze, unabashed.

A warm, glowing feeling grows in Kara’s chest. She curls her fingers more snugly around Alex’s hand.

Alice explains a few more things they might be able to see at the next ultrasound and hands Kara some wipes to clean up the gel.

“Your baby is lucky to have you,” Alice says to Alex as she hands over the stills of the ultrasound.

Distracted by finishing her clean-up and readjusting her clothes, Kara doesn’t realize Alice’s assumption until the tech is gone and she’s left facing a softly blushing Alex. Her own face heats up.

“I, uh.” Alex clears her throat and she lifts the sonograms up. “Wanna look?”

Kara nods her assent and accepts the images, still in awe at the proof of the life growing inside herself. Her fingers trace the blurry shape. She wonders, just for a moment, if one day Kate will be lying here with Alex sitting proudly at her side.

The thought is oddly unsettling.

“Everything okay?” Alex asks after a small pause.

Kara blinks and sits up, pushing such thoughts away. “I really have to pee.”

*

Kara rubs a hand over her wet cheeks as she approaches the door, sniffling twice as she undoes the locks.

“You didn’t have to come over,” she mumbles as soon as the door is open.

Alex’s face is clear of the slight makeup she always wears and she’s dressed in jeans and a simple long-sleeved grey shirt. She smiles but her brow is furrowed. “Of course I did. You had a bad nightmare. You sounded terrified on the phone.”

“I… but Kate.” Kara tugs at the hem of her favorite nightshirt—an old oversized Marvin the Martian one Alex had given her three birthdays ago—and avoids looking Alex in the eye.

She’d wanted Alex to come over but hadn’t asked. It would have been a selfish request.

“Kate will be fine,” Alex says in a patient voice.

Kara finally looks up when Alex’s hand gently nudges her chin; she leans into it when it twists to cup her cheek.

“She knows how important you are to me.”

The intensity of Alex’s gaze makes Kara’s chest feel tight. She leans a little more heavily into Alex’s hand. “Thanks.”

Alex’s nose crinkles up as she smiles. “Anytime.” She drops her hand and steps further into the apartment, shutting the door firmly behind herself and locking up. “Now, do you want to talk more about your nightmare?”

Kara is distracted from trying to pinpoint the cause of the rustling sound of Alex’s movement, her mind flashing to the terrible pains she’d felt and sworn were real. Those pains had paled in comparison to the terror that had stricken when she’d seen the blood…

Thankfully, it had just been a terrible dream, but she’d been unable to even _think_ of sleep after having it.

“Could we just—” but before she can finish speaking, Alex is raising a hand to show off a small plastic bag.

“I brought ice cream.”

Kara immediate snatches the bag away, her eyes widening. “And brownies! Where’d you get brownies at this time of night?”

“The less you know the better.” Alex smirks, her eyes seeming to twinkle with mischief.

“Whatever, be mysterious.” Though Kara is curious, the urge to stuff her mouth with one of the fresh brownies is a more immediate concern.

Alex chuckles, a pleasant throaty sound that makes a tingle run down Kara’s spine.

“Come on, let’s watch something relaxing while you stuff your face.” Alex’s hand settles on Kara’s back, exerting minute amounts of pressure to help guide her to the living room couch.

Once they’re settled on the couch with old reruns of “I Love Lucy” and the treats Alex has brought, the bad dream from earlier becomes a distant memory.

Alex’s shoulder is comfort and home, and when Kara’s eyelids grow heavy she doesn’t fight the pull of sleep. Whatever they are, Alex will chase the nightmares away.

** **** **

_Kara gasps as she suddenly sits up, her heart pounding and her face dotted with sweat. The covers are all pushed off and resting on the floor, but her pajamas are damp and her skin is clammy anyway._

_“Everything okay?” comes Alex’s croaking voice from across the room._

_The sound makes Kara’s heart pound in a different way, wondering if she’d made a mistake in turning down Eliza’s offer of converting the office to an extra room. Alex has soccer practice in the morning, and had been up late studying for an upcoming AcaDec scrimmage._

_“Fine.” Kara’s first attempt comes off as a hoarse squeak. She flinches and clears her throat, trying again. “Sorry, yeah. I’m fine.”_

_Her eyes have begun adjusting to the darkness of their room, their curtained window still letting dim starlight in. She holds her breath when she sees Alex get up._

_“Kara.” Alex’s voice is a warning, a reminder of the rule of the room they’d made early in Kara’s stay._

_“I had a nightmare,” Kara admits in a small voice as Alex reaches her bed._

_Alex sighs. “Scoot over.”_

_Kara is happy to oblige, wanting the comfort Alex is so good at giving, but unable to speak._

_“Been a while since you had a nightmare. Not since… freshman year, maybe?”_

_“Yeah.” Kara plucks at a loose thread in her blanket, not wanting to say much more than that. It’s been three years since her parents died. She shouldn’t still be so sensitive about it._

_A hand finds hers in the dark, stilling the meaningless movement as Alex’s fingers interlace with her own._

_“Tell me,” Alex softly insists._

_Alex’s hand gives Kara the courage she needs. She releases a shaky breath. “It’s the same as always. I’m there, but on the ground. I watch as their engine fails and their plane goes down and I scream and I cry but I can’t do anything. I just… stand there as my world ends.”_

_For several minutes, the room is quiet._

_The silence isn’t uncomfortable: just the opposite, in fact. It’s quiet enough that Kara can hear the sound of Alex’s breathing, steady and forming a pattern that syncs with her own._

_“I can’t say I know what that’s like. I wish I could help you feel… better. So it didn’t hurt so much.”_

_Kara squeezes Alex’s hand, a swelling feeling growing in her chest. “You have. You do. It’s just a lot. You’ve helped me so much, Alex.”_

_“Good.” Alex’s voice is little more than a whisper. There’s another pause and then, “I think there’s half a pint of ice cream down in the freezer. I bet I could sneak down and get it without waking my parents up.”_

_“You don’t have to do that. I’m fine.” Kara’s mouth waters a little despite her words; ice cream makes everything just a little better._

_Alex’s head turns toward hers but Kara can’t discern any of her features in the dark. She contemplates leaning over to turn her bedside lamp on, but she doesn’t want to move._

_“Who said it’s for you? I’m hungry and ice cream sounds perfect.”_

_Kara chuckles, only to click her tongue in protest when Alex releases her hand and swiftly moves toward the hallway._

_“Be right back,” Alex whispers just before tugging the door open._

_They finish the ice cream in record time, hunched over the pint with two spoons and fighting for the best bits._

_When Alex claims to be too tired to move after they’re finished, Kara smiles and doesn’t protest._

_Losing her parents has been the most terrible thing she’s ever had to experience._

_Getting Alex in return feels like some kind of cosmic apology. Alex feels like such a part of Kara now that imagining life without her, even after only three years, seems impossible._

_She falls asleep with her hand touching Alex’s._

_*_

_The next week when Kara hesitantly tells Alex that she’s been thinking about changing her last name to Danvers, Alex is shocked._

_Kara can only smile. She’ll never forget her parents, but the constant stinging reminder of them—the block letters that are still a vivid memory in her head—don’t help._

_“I-I think I need this, Alex.” She licks her lips, her eyes searching Alex’s face and hoping for understanding._

_And, like always, Alex doesn’t disappoint._

_“As long as you don’t feel pressured about it,” Alex murmurs with a thoughtful look. “You’re already family. If it’s what you want—need—then I’ve got your back.”_

_“I know.”_

_They share a smile and soon after that Alex helps her approach Eliza and Jeremiah about the request._

_Both tear up and Kara worries that they’ll start crying and then she’ll start crying—but then Alex cuts in with “I swear to god if you start crying I’m going to disown you all” that makes Jeremiah chuckle and Eliza sigh with disappointment._

_But when both she and Alex are pulled into a rib-cracking hug courtesy of both parents, Kara sees that Alex’s eyes are as red as her own must be._

_Alex’s lips twitch up into a small smile and Kara knows just how grateful she really feels. It’s the same way Kara does, though sometimes angry bitterness still threatens to overwhelm her over the loss of her biological parents._

_Such thoughts are unwelcome amidst the love and support of the Danvers. She closes her eyes and loses herself in the embrace._

** **** **

Kara tugs a hand through her hair, the other braced against her lower back—which seems to always be some level of uncomfortable these days. She’s almost completely finished putting her clothes away but she’s tired after a long day at work.

With a sigh, she tugs open the top drawer of her dresser to resume her chore.

She pauses. There’s a neat stack of outfits taking up half of the space. Her lips upturn as she smooths a hand over a dark v-neck.

Alex has taken to spending the night more often, despite Kara’s protests that she’s a capable adult that _can_ look after herself.

The protests are always half-hearted at best. Kara has missed getting to spend the majority of her free time with Alex, something that had begun to change once things had begun getting more serious with Kate. Kara had encouraged Alex to make Kate a priority.

They still have sister nights but, unlike before, Alex had been sure to return to home every night.

Since Kara’s terrible nightmare, Alex has been spending at least three nights a week with Kara.

She has done her best not to think too deeply about how that might make Kate feel. Kara likes Kate—she really does—but right now it feels like she needs Alex a little more.

She perks up when she hears the locks to the front door disengaging, hurriedly shoving the last of her clothes into place, and then stepping out to be greeted by a widely grinning Alex.

“Hey,” Alex says as she adjusts the weight of the large paper bags she’s carrying, “I picked up a few necessities.”

“Great.” Kara bites the inside of her cheek, already spotting something odd poking out of one of the bags. She tugs the oddity free as Alex sets the bags down on the counter.

The oblong white object turns out to be the long ear of a patchwork plushie bunny.

“Just necessities, huh?” Kara teases. The fabric of the brightly colored stuffed animal is unimaginably soft to her fingertips.

“Absolutely,” Alex retorts with a perfectly straight face as she begins putting groceries away. “I want the kiddo to have a Doctor Princess Bert, too.”

Kara’s eyes begin to sting. She squeezes the small plush animal minutely closer. Doctor Princess Bert had been another thing Kara had lost in her move to Midvale. At the time she’d been too scared to ask Clark to turn back for the checkered elephant. She’d been too old to hold onto it anyway, and had worried that if she’d cried too much he might tell the new family she’d be staying with. Then they wouldn’t want her either.

“It’s perfect.”

Alex turns to look at Kara, immediately setting down the boxes of cereal she’d been holding. She doesn’t speak as she wraps both arms around Kara.

Kara sinks into the embrace, her arms settling snugly around Alex’s shoulders and her face buried against the side of Alex’s neck. She’s too overcome to feel embarrassed.

It takes several minutes for her to regain control of herself. Alex is a steadying force; the perfect rhythm of her chest against Kara’s, the familiar comfort of the blended scents of her shampoo and skin, and the warm solidity of her body keep Kara from slipping further into an emotional abyss.

“Sorry,” Alex whispers, “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Kara can only shake her head and pull Alex closer. “No, you… no.” She takes a deep breath, inhaling as much of Alex’s scent as she can. It’s a habit she’s picked up in the last month or so, and Alex has tried very hard not to tease her _too_ much about it. “You’re just too perfect.”

Alex chuckles and brushes a kiss to her temple. “I’m glad you think so. I _am_ pretty awesome.”

The laugh escapes Kara unexpectedly. She leans back just enough to look Alex in the eye.

“You’re something else, you know that?” Kara tries for serious but she can’t suppress her smile.

“Perfect, apparently, yes.” Alex’s eyes seem to twinkle with mischief.

Kara laughs again, her chest feeling full and warm as she admires how happy Alex looks.

And then, for the briefest of moments, an odd feeling passes through Kara that freezes the world around her.

With her and Alex close like this, the curve of her swelling abdomen pressed against Alex’s still-flat stomach, Kara gets a flash of what it might feel like if things were different, if they were different people in a different time and place in exactly the same position.

Something burns almost painfully in Kara’s chest, but then the moment passes.

“Everything okay?” Alex asks, the slightest of furrows forming on her brow.

Kara blinks and smiles, shaking the oddity of the fleeting moment off. “Yeah.”

The sudden urge to push a loose strand of hair from Alex’s face strikes her. She squeezes Alex’s shoulders instead. “So what’s for dinner?”

*

“This looks so great.” Alex is standing with her hands on her hips, a pleased smile on her face as she admires the corner of the master bedroom they’ve fixed up for the baby.

“It does, doesn’t it.” Kara sighs and rests her head on Alex’s shoulder. Eventually she’ll need to remodel this place or find a new one, but for now, the fresh paint and furniture off to one side will do. The new bedding and blankets they’ve bought are all gender neutral pastels, Kara having decided the gender of her child irrelevant in the scheme of things.

The changing table and crib are old rich mahogany, gifts from Eliza. They’d been Alex’s once.

“Are you sure it’s okay for me to have these?” Kara asks again. She bites back the rest of the question, not really wanting to know how soon after Alex is married she and Kate might want to start a family.

“Definitely,” Alex replies without hesitation. “I didn’t even know Mom still had these, to be honest.”

The question in Kara’s mind persists, and so she straightens and moves forward to slide a hand along the intricate trim of the changing table, her touch reverent at being allowed such a piece of Danvers history. Alex’s history.

She swallows and traces a pattern with her fingertips. “But are you sure? After you’re married, you might regret letting me have these.”

“Never.”

Alex’s hand settles on her shoulder, gently coaxing her to turn.

There’s a lopsided smile on Alex’s face. “We’re going to wait to start a family, and even when we do, we’ll be adopting.”

The wood bites into Kara’s hand as she grips it too tightly. “You are?” she asks in a whisper.

Alex’s unflinchingly meets her gaze. “Yes.”

When Kara’s eyes well with tears the way they’re wont to do at any given moment, she moves into Alex’s arms automatically.

It is automatic, the way she’s drawn to Alex. They haven’t been this close since they were teenagers; she’s fallen back into patterns she isn’t aware she’s missed.

The only difference is that she’s taller than Alex now, she acknowledges as she nuzzles the side of Alex’s hair.

“Are you ever going to get over this?”

Alex sounds amused but Kara doesn’t let it bother her.

“Who cares?” she mumbles as she inhales another lungful of scent. Alex had tried appeasing her by buying her the same shampoo, but it hadn’t changed anything. She loves it best on Alex. “Don’t you know pregnant women can get away with pretty much anythi…”

Kara turns slightly and forgets what she wants to say. Alex’s breath is warm and tickling her lips, making them tingle. The tingles spread, and Kara finds herself staring at Alex’s mouth.

Alex’s smiles are always just a little crooked, maybe not enough that anyone else could notice, but Kara has. The slight smile slowly eases, and Kara watches with fascination as Alex’s lips part.

If she just leans a little closer…

A sudden feeling starts in her belly and she jolts backward. She’s felt similar things before, but softer, fainter. “The baby’s kicking!” she declares with wide eyes.

Alex immediately brings both hands to rest over Kara’s stomach. Her eyes become as wide as Kara’s. “I can feel them.”

Kara moves her hands to rest over Alex’s. Alex hasn’t been able to feel them before, though she’d tried.

The look on Alex’s face now, all delighted awe, makes Kara feel dizzy with happiness.

Her lips tingle again though Alex isn’t nearly as close as before. Kara swallows and internally shakes herself. Something’s wrong with her.

Alex’s head cants to the side, her short hair sliding to perfectly frame her jaw. The urge to lean forward intensifies.

There’s something _very_ wrong with her; Kara has the sneaking suspicion that it’s not something she can blame fully on pregnancy hormones. She wants to.

Alex drops a hand from Kara, the other turning and tangling their fingers together. “Come on, I’ve got to get the both of you fed.”

“Okay.” Kara follows in a light stupor, unwilling to release Alex’s hand but knowing she probably should.

She can’t do this. She can’t. Not now. Why did this happen _now_?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry in advance?
> 
> Blame eloquentdrivil, it was her idea to go with my gut.

* * *

_Kara hesitates in front of the door. There’s no light seeping from the bottom, but she instinctively knows Alex isn’t asleep._

_She inhales slowly and twists the doorknob._

_It takes a few seconds for her eyes to adjust, and she busies herself closing the door as quietly as possible. Just in case._

_Her eyes search out Alex’s side of the room, unsurprised to find the shape of Alex curled up on the bed. The pattern of Alex’s breathing is soft and steady but, as Kara had thought, isn’t deep enough to indicate sleep._

_Kara creeps slowly through the dark. Her footsteps are hesitant, her hands fidgeting the closer she gets to Alex. She wants to help Alex, she just doesn’t know how._

_Still, there’s no way she won’t try._

_“Alex?” she whispers._

_Alex doesn’t move or respond._

_Kara licks her lips, her hand shaking slightly as she reaches out. The palm of her hand fits perfectly around the warm curve of Alex’s shoulder._

_“How’s my mom?”_

_Alex’s voice is rough from disuse, but she speaks so softly that Kara almost doesn’t hear the words under the sound of her own breathing._

_“She’s…” Kara can’t say okay because it wouldn’t be true. “Still trying to process everything. Jonn said he’d keep an eye on her for a while.”_

_“Good.”_

_It’s only the contact of her hand on Alex’s shoulder that keeps her from retreating fully back to her side of the room. Alex had asked for time alone. Kara had tried her best to honor Alex’s wishes, but it had taken everything in her to stay with Eliza._

_She licks her lips and gathers her courage. “Scoot over?”_

_Alex’s body stiffens under her hand, but then a moment later Alex does as requested._

_“Thanks.” She quickly curls up behind Alex, slinging an arm around her waist out of habit. Kara takes comfort in the fact that Alex’s body remains pliant against her own._

_She doesn’t press conversation, knowing all too well what Alex must be feeling. All the talking in the world hadn’t helped her, and she’s come to understand that no words exist that can fix the aching emptiness left by the permanence of death._

_“I keep thinking he’ll show up, that this is all some crazy mistake. He can’t be gone.”_

_Kara nods and gently squeezes Alex around the waist. It hasn’t been so long that she’s forgotten what it’s like, the thoughts she’d had and—if she’s being honest—sometimes still has._

_Speaking doesn’t seem wise, not with Alex finally opening up. Kara waits._

_“It’s so stupid too, a heart attack? Really? Dad wasn’t the healthiest, but a heart attack? At his age? No way. N-no way.” Alex’s voice falters, and once again the room becomes quiet._

_For once it’s Kara that rolls to her back and coaxes Alex around. It’s odd at first, holding Alex as she cries. Alex is one of the strongest people Kara knows, always able to endure and adapt to whatever comes her way._

_Kara has felt many things for Alex, inarguably the most important person in her life, but a new feeling emerges as Alex’s tears trickle down her neck and begin saturating her shirt._

_“I’ve got you,” she murmurs as she presses a careful kiss to Alex’s temple._

_*_

_Six months after Jeremiah’s death, Alex is able to laugh again. It had been touch and go for a while, and Kara had taken to spending every free minute at school and at home around Alex as much as possible._

_Sometimes Alex would just stop and lose track of the world around her, as if everything but her thoughts had ceased to exist. All Kara needed to do was grasp her hand or cup the small of her back, and then Alex would return and offer her a grateful look._

_Kara is grateful that Alex still has Eliza. Losing one parent is terrible enough._

_“What do you think of this one?” Alex is holding a bright red dress up with a long skirt._

_“Hm,” Kara says with a frown. The dress isn’t bad, but it doesn’t seem quite right. “I don’t know if that’s me.”_

_Alex bites her lower lip, her eyes squinting as she evaluates Kara. “You know, you always look amazing in blue.”_

_Kara’s cheeks flush. “I do?”_

_“You do.” Alex returns the dress to the rack. She settles her hands on her hips as she looks over the other dresses on display. “I’m sure we can find something that you’ll both look amazing in and will be comfortable wearing.”_

_Once again Kara considers saying that she really doesn’t need to go to the junior prom— but then she remembers she’s doing it for Alex, who had refused every guy that had asked. With Eliza pushing Alex not to ‘miss out’ on such a big night, Alex had finally admitted she’d only want to go stag with Kara._

_So Kara had agreed to go, and Alex’s megawatt smile had been worth it._

_When they finally find the dress two stores later, Kara feels like maybe she’ll end up having fun. She’ll be with Alex, after all._

_*_

_The junior prom itself ends up being mediocre. The punch is a little too sweet and the crowd is a little too thick, but Kara has fun anyway._

_Alex doesn’t let her sit for too long, and they dance half the night away. Kara forgets to feel self-conscious because their friends are nice and Alex is singing along to most of the songs as they swoop around the floor and… Alex laughs in a way she hasn’t since before Jeremiah died._

_They end up cutting out early when some friends of friends start passing around flasks, but Kara is still giddy as they settle into Alex’s mini-SUV._

_“I’m still pretty wired,” Alex says as she slides her key into the ignition and looks over at Kara. “You mind if we stop off somewhere?”_

_“Not at all.” Going home doesn’t feel right just yet, and Kara has a good idea of where they’re headed anyway._

_Her hunch proves right as they pull up to a familiar headland. Alex backs the SUV up like she normally does, and Kara helps as they push the back seats flat into place._

_The blankets that are kept in Alex’s vehicle for just such occasions form a somewhat comfortable bed. They stare up at the stars from the open back, their bare feet hanging over the edge of the bumper._

_“I had fun tonight.” Alex’s voice is hushed, the way it always is every time they come out here._

_Kara smiles and closes her eyes, enjoying the sound of the waves crashing far below them. “Me too.”_

_Her hand finds Alex’s under the blankets and tangles their fingers together. Their dresses are being wrinkled, but Kara can’t summon the energy to care. The night has been amazing, and Alex finally seems to be finding a way to a new normal._

_“There’s something I never got to tell my dad before he died,” Alex broaches some minutes later. “Something important.”_

_Kara frowns. Alex’s grip has tightened and her voice is shaking. “What is it?”_

_For a long moment, Alex only breathes. “I’m afraid you’ll hate me.”_

_That makes Kara push up on her free hand. Her frown is deeper as she stares down at Alex. “I could never hate you.”_

_Alex takes a long shuddering breath, then also sits up. She tries to tug her hand free from Kara’s but Kara won’t allow it._

_Their eyes meet, and again Kara decides to wait._

_“I like girls,” Alex blurts out._

_Kara releases a relieved breath, “Alex, that’s fi—”_

_“A girl.” Alex looks down. “You.”_

_“Oh, I…” Kara swallows. She still doesn’t let go of Alex’s hand. “Are you sure, I mean you’ve been going through a lot and—”_

_Alex is suddenly looking at her again, her dark eyes intense. “I’m pretty sure.”_

_After several moments of Kara not knowing what to say, the intensity fades from Alex’s eyes and her features soften. Once more she looks away._

_“I haven’t really thought about you… about anyone that way.” Kara’s heart is pounding wildly. She doesn’t want to disappoint Alex, but this isn’t something… does she like Alex that way?_

_Alex sighs, a lopsided smile appearing on her face. “Yeah, I kind of thought so. I, just, needed to say it, I guess. I haven’t been a creep or anything, I swear. I love you too much to do anything that would make you uncomfortable.”_

_Kara squeezes her hand and scoots a little closer. “No, I know that. You-you’re amazing, Alex.”_

_She still doesn’t know what to say or do, and so she finds herself leaning forward and pressing her lips to Alex’s._

_Alex pushes her away after a moment, one hand rising to cover her lips. She looks dazed._

_Kara swallows. The kiss had been nice, if a little awkward—but it’s clear that Alex feels differently about it._

_Alex lets go of her hand, the fingertips of her other still covering her lips. She looks like she’s about to cry. “Please don’t ever do that again.”_

_“I’m sorry, I was just trying to—”_

_“I know,” Alex cuts her off, “but it’s not right, Kara. It wouldn’t work. I need to be with someone who could really love me that way.”_

_Kara’s throat feels thick and her chest is tight. Alex looks so sad, and Kara hates that she’s done this. She’d just wanted to know, to be sure. “I’m sorry,” she repeats quietly._

_Alex’s body trembles for a moment, but then she reaches back out to Kara. “It’s okay. Things are probably better this way.”_

_They sit there for most of the night, sometimes talking, sometimes not. It’s nearly dawn by the time they slip back into their room._

_Things have changed, but Kara knows that Alex will always be part of her life. They’d sworn it to each other under the light of countless stars. Alex always keeps her promises._

** **** **

Evelyn Alexandra Danvers is born at three AM on a Tuesday after eleven hours of labor. It’s the most painful, exhausting, but ultimately rewarding time of Kara’s life. At least, she’s sure she can hold onto that feeling once they’re home.

“She’s beautiful,” Alex murmurs. It had only taken gentle coaxing to get her to join Kara on the cramped surface of the hospital bed.

Kara leans her head on Alex’s shoulder, still unable to believe how very tiny Evie is. “She is, isn’t she?”

She bites the inside of her lip as Alex wraps an arm around her and pulls her closer. She rubs the soft patch of dark reddish-brown hair at the top of Evie’s head.

It’s difficult not to daydream, not with how tired she is and with both Alex and Evie so close.

Alex presses a kiss to her forehead, and for a moment, Kara lives in another world.

She squeezes her eyes shut and adjusts Evie’s weight in her arms. “I love you, Alex.”

At the door, someone clears their throat.

Kara opens her eyes and the fantasy shatters.

Kate, with her long black hair up and kind brown eyes, is offering her a cautious smile. “I brought Alex a fresh set of clothes as she insists she cannot possibly leave your side while you’re in hospital.”

There’s a gentle chiding to her tone, but her eyes remain firmly on Kara.

The look makes Kara shift uncomfortably.

Alex squeezes her once and then hops from the bed. Her hair is mussed and it’s obvious she’s tired, but it seems it takes no effort at all for her to smile broadly and approach Kate.

“Thanks,” she murmurs as she presses a kiss just to the side of Kate’s mouth.

Kate’s expression softens. “Anytime.”

Kara is forced to look away when their gaze lingers. She looks down at Evie instead.

If only Kate weren’t so very _perfect_. It isn’t fair that she’s beautiful, Oxford-educated, and has a deep charming voice that’s further accented by her posh accent. In darker moments, Kara has wondered how affected the accent is.

Like always, the thought makes her feel like crap.

It’s clear to anyone with eyes that Alex and Kate are in love. That didn’t use to bother Kara.

Though, with all the time she’s had to mull things over since her revelation some months before, she’s wondered at how true that is. She’d always chocked up the jealousy she’d experienced to having to share her sister-slash-best friend.

Again her hand rubs over the soft tuft of hair on Evie’s head. Evie’s father had borne a certain resemblance to Alex, something Kara hadn’t really thought of at the time. She’d just needed _someone_ and—the sound of Alex and Kate sharing another soft kiss makes acid churn in her stomach.

"Don't worry," Alex says. "Kara will only be in the hospital for another day at most."

Kate smiles at Alex and steps back, one hand rising to cup Alex's cheek. "Remember to eat, okay?"

Alex nods and accepts the clothes. "It'll be hard to forget since I'll be looking out for a Kara too."

At Alex's words, Kate turns to look at Kara. “I'm sure you will,” she says.

Once again, Kara averts her eyes.

Kate and Alex say their goodbyes; Kara offers Kate a feeble wave.

“She's so thoughtful,” Alex comments with a lingering smile.

“Yeah,” Kara agrees, “she is.” She swallows in an attempt to rid herself of the thick feeling in her throat.

*

The first few weeks after Evie’s birth are the most difficult, and Kara’s doctor informs her that she’s suffering from postpartum ‘baby blues’. Eliza and Alex help Kara as much as possible, and after some time Kara is able to feel akin to normal again. She knows they worry she’ll slip into an outright depression, so she does her best to adjust to life with a baby.

She's learned that napping when there is quiet is key to keeping her sanity. It helps, somewhat.

The apartment is dark when she wakes, though she wouldn’t guess it to be later than eight PM. She isn’t sure what’s woken her up since Evie isn’t crying. Her eyes remain closed as she tries to solve the minor mystery. She remembers sitting down on the couch just for a moment, but she must have fallen asleep.

“Come on, I told you—no. Kate, come on. She’s my _sister_.” There’s a pause. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that. No, _you’re_ being unreasonable. What would you do in my place? Yeah, whatever. I’ll talk to you later.”

It feels like the breath freezes in Kara's lungs. Alex and Kate hardly ever fight. All at once, her stomach twists up inside.

She's become a burden on Alex, on her relationship. Kara hasn't meant to, but she has.

Kara slowly sits up. “Alex? You didn't have to come. I'm doing fine now.”

She hears Alex suck in a surprised breath.

“Did I wake you? Sorry, you didn’t need to hear that.”

Kara twists on the couch so she can look at Alex. “You don't have to be here, Alex. I promise I'm doing much better. I don't need to be the cause of any problems between you and Kate.”

“Don't worry about that, Kara. Kate is just being a little silly.” Alex scowls down at her phone.

“What do you mean?”

Alex shifts her weight from foot to foot and combs a hand through her hair. “It's nothing important.”

“If it's causing you problems it _is_ important,” Kara insists.

The room remains quiet. The concentrated look on Alex’s face makes Kara think she’s gathering her thoughts.

“Kate just thinks there's something a little odd going on in our relationship,” Alex finally manages.

Kara frowns. “Like what? I thought you guys talked a lot.”

Alex slowly shakes her head. “No, not between me and her.” She clears her throat and finally looks up from her phone. “Between me and you.”

Suddenly, Kara's heartbeat begins to pound erratically. “U-um, what does sh-she mean?” she stutters out.

“She thinks you and I are a little too close. It’s so stupid.” Alex slaps her phone down on the countertop. “I don’t know what’s gotten into her. She’s not like this.”

Too full of agitated energy, Alex begins to pace around the kitchen.

Kara’s mind turns to the day Evie was born. How long had Kate been standing there? Had Kara’s feelings been written on her face? A lump forms in her throat. “It’s my fault.”

Alex’s pacing immediately stops. “No,” her voice cuts sharply as she hurries over to Kara, “this is so not your fault. Don’t put this on yourself.”

Though Kara feels guilty and a whole other host of negative feelings, she can’t help herself when Alex cups her cheek. She leans into the contact and closes her eyes. It doesn’t take long for her guilt to rise again.

“You’re wrong, Alex,” she whispers, “this _is_ my fault.”

Kara opens her eyes and slowly looks up and into Alex’s face.

Alex is frowning, a furrow between her eyebrows betraying her bewilderment.

When their eyes meet, Kara’s hand rises to cup the back of Alex’s. Maintaining eye contact, she turns her head to brush a kiss to Alex’s palm.

The bewilderment in Alex’s face slowly shifts, dawning realization replacing the last vestiges of concern.

“Oh, Kara.” The quiet lament tells Kara all she needs to know—all that she’s already known.

It had taken Alex years to get over Kara, but she had. It’s something they’ve silently agreed not to speak about for years, but have both acknowledged.

Kara just isn’t sure why and how her own feelings had changed. For too many years she’d simply been trying to overcome the shock of losing her parents. Confronted with her conflicted feelings in the last few months, she isn’t even sure she ever truly loved Adam.

All she knows is the choking, drowning sensation she experiences every time she’s around Alex and gets lost in the fantasy otherworld version of themselves. In another life, Kara had kissed Alex for the right reasons. In another life, Alex had never met Kate.

This isn’t that life.

“I’m sorry.” Kara squeezes her eyes shut as the last vestiges of that fantasy world are torn away.

“Me too.” Alex’s voice is hollow, and Kara knows that she’s hurt her all over again.

Fear seizes Kara and she begins to softly cry. “I can’t lose you.”

Solid hands grip her shoulders. “You won’t,” comes Alex’s choked voice. “I made a promise, remember?”

Kara nods and allows herself to be pulled into a hug. It’s both the best and worst feeling in the world, being so close to Alex. She cries until she feels empty.

Her voice is coarse when she finds the energy to speak again. “You should be honest with Kate. I think she knows how I feel, anyway.”

Alex makes a noise in her throat but doesn’t speak.

Kara’s hands dig in a little tighter against her back. “I know how much you love her, Alex. It’s okay.”

“Well I love you too,” Alex retorts stubbornly.

When Kara laughs, it’s without humor. She shakes her head against Alex’s chest. “Remember what you told me? I need someone who can love me the same way I feel.”

“If you’d have felt this way three, even two, years ago…”

 _Maybe I did_ , Kara almost says. She bites the inside of her cheek so hard she can taste blood. “Yeah,” she says instead.

Evie begins to cry, and Alex takes a shaky step backward. “I’ve got her.”

She offers Kara a tremulous smile and retreats to the master bedroom.

Kara presses her hands tightly over her eyes and slumps back against the couch. She can’t afford to feel this way right now. Evie needs her.

A sardonic smile stretches her lips. She’ll never lose Alex, and at least Evie will still have her, too.

“I’m thinking I’ll call her Alex Jr,” Alex announces as she returns to the living room.

Kara’s eyes widen and then narrow. She hurriedly wipes at her wet cheeks. “You most definitely will _not_!”

“Oh, come on, it’s an _honor_ , Kara. She even kind of looks like m—” Alex abruptly cuts herself off and jerks her head toward Kara.

Kara stares back at her blankly. “You’re not calling her Alex Jr.”

Alex swallows and tilts her chin up. “Try and stop me.”

“I’ll tell Kate about that time you tried to ask Professor Gerhart out.”

“She already knows.” Alex’s upper lip twitches.

“But does she know the _whole_ story?”

There’s a long pause as Kara and Alex have a silent battle of wills.

“Come on, Evie,” Alex grumbles in a low voice, “time for you to be fed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've wanted to write this fic for a long, long time, but my writing buddy really hates baby fic so this was kind of pushed to the backburner. I know maybe most of you will be angry with the ending, but it's just how it was meant to be.
> 
> I'm one of those people that, when I really get over someone, that's it. I know it's all very romantic to think no matter how long it's been that romantic love will survive, but that's not always the case. The love changes sometimes and that's for our own benefit so _we_ can survive and move on.
> 
> This is another instance of, no matter what, these two will always love each other. Maybe it's not always in the same way, but it *will* always be there.
> 
> Maybe you'll feel better in knowing that I've asked a few writers to create some Halloween-themed fics to post for next weekend. Then again, maybe you won't since they *will* be Halloween themed so they probably all won't end well. I do promise that my contribution for next weekend *will* end better. Probably. I just needed to write this.


End file.
